Novel Excerpt – Zero-Matter
Pebble number two. Follow the link below or to the side to the first four chapters of my 71,000 word novel Zero-Matter.
Please see ‘The Basics’ on the right for the rules and thank you for reading.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/17142924/Zero-Matter-1-4
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LOVE the first line.
ReplyDeletePage 4, 4th sentence, change "limps" to "limbs."
Page 9, after the #, his hair was jet "black."
Page 10, that's not "your" decision.
Page 11, The soldier hit a five-button sequence on Adam's chest? During a fight? Not sure about that one. Good concept, but unless that soldier's lightning fast and accurate, not a plausible one.
Chapter 1 is fantastic and really pulled me in! I want to know who this Adam guy is, and WHAT he is. I'd have read more, but I started reading rather late in the evening. I'll read more another time.
I saw a few more typos but I'm not as good as Brig to note where they are.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the five-button sequence is a bit much. Maybe it could just be a single button, voice control, or even a remote of some sort.
I usually read more fantasy than sci fi but the two are related. I hope you don't feel too bad about Moonfire being a little like the other book. I read a lot and have seen many published books that seem like a retell of an older book or story. The stuff you have here though feels quite fresh to me. I'm hooked and want more.
Great, Rob. Thanks for the positive feedback. If you really do want to read more, I'll be posting the next four chapters this weeked.
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