Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It's all a Test!

Or maybe a tryout would be a good substitute for test.

This post goes out to all the men out there scratching their heads and wondering, “What was she so mad about?” or “What were we fighting about?”

You can stop reading now if any of the following apply:

· You decided to upgrade your T.V. without discussion even though the old one worked fine.
· You came home smelling of smoke and sweat and had subtle hints of glitter on your clothes.
· One of your/her children is missing an appendage that they certainly had before the game started.
· You quit your job to become a full time blog commenter.

If any of these sound like recent events in your life, then you should know why you were fighting. If you don’t see any similarities with the list above, then continue on and enjoy the epiphany that I just had.

It’s all a test – the crazy fights that leave you wondering how in the world putting the jelly in the fridge door shelf is so much better than on the interior shelf or why the floor has to be moped once a week, even if you were gone on vacation or [insert own example here]. Every fight like that, every single one is a test to see how well you apologize.

Go back to dating land if you’re deep in the trenches of marriage or if you’re dating and having had this experience yet; brace yourselves – its coming.

We all know that the dating period is a tryout, a special time to answer all the questions we have regarding a potential mate (another post is required to cover that topic). And for her, one of the questions is “How well does he apologize?”

Think about it for just a moment. If you are buying a car and know that you are going to be using it repeatedly to make the yellow, you’re going to want to know that it can cover 200 yards in 2 seconds many, many times without issue. For a woman, she knows (whether consciously or sub) that her man will spend at least 5% of his life apologizing for something. (Go ahead, do the math. Average life span of 85 years equals 4.25 years of apologizing. That’s solid.) She needs to know how well you can do it. AND that’s where the crazy fights come from. Blame hormones, blame PMS, blame whatever but I honestly believe that your first WTF? fight comes from her need to know that you could when an Olympic medal in the “I know I didn’t do anything wrong but still can apologize convincingly” category (coming in 2024).

So, if it hasn’t happened yet, start practicing. If it has, I hope that I’ve made some sense of the senseless. And for those of you thinking, “What just a minute, SpandexMonkey? I’ve been with my wife or girlfriend for seventy-five years and we’re still having WTF? fights. If I passed the first one with flying colors, shouldn’t that have ended?” – The answer is NO. These will continue to happen. Just like I got my degree in engineering but have to spend the rest of my life learning and passing tests to get continuing education credits to stay an engineer, you are all screwed too. Even though you nailed it once, you will still be subject to pop quizzes and refresher courses for the rest of your life. It’s just part of it so eat some humble pie, work on your sincere eyes and tell yourself, “This is only a test. If this were a real emergency, she wouldn’t even be talking to me.”

1 comment:

  1. LOL! Dan, you're awesome! And *almost* on target. Fights aren't just to see if you can apologize, they're to humble you before your awesome, incredible, amazing wife who you should know by now is always, always, always right.